It sounds a bit like the start of a joke.. ~Did you ever hear the one about the sex-blogger who went to intimate toy party?~ and yet once again there I was at yet another party where women sat around and tittered and blushed while all manner of hot and tingly lotions and balms where slathered on our arms and buzzing whirling things were passed about accompanied by laughter, consternation and questions about water-safe features.
The hostess of the party is one of my favorite people and the friendly rep she worked with has about 8 years of experience and was very well stocked when it came to samples of the product line making it easy to see the advantages and disadvantages to each product offered. – As a hint many new reps don’t have as much product to show off, so if you are thinking of going to a party ask how long the rep has been in business and how much of the product line she brings with her.. more is better that is for sure. –
This was the fourth such party I have been to over the last ten years. These parties represent 3 different companies (1 now defunct) that trade on the Tupperware model of selling sex toys to housewives, working mothers wanting to spice up their marriages and young singles wanting to add some zip to their nights alone. Occasionally these events are done with couples in mind but typically these are girls-night out sort of parties with a wide range of women attending with some young enough to be your daughter and some old enough to be your grandmother. Some are new and nervous and some swing in and quickly survey the catalog for new products while grabbing a glass of wine and a good seat like only an old pro can.
I fit somewhere in the middle. Although I had been to enough of these events and lord knows I am no stranger to sex toys I came to this party only knowing the hostess so I will admit this made me generally a bit more reserved, but there was little need for it as I was quickly (and sweetly) called out for being a sex blogger and my website was given out to all who wanted it ( guess who forgot to bring her business cards?..DOH!) .. after that things were quickly set in motion with the typical get to know you name games that I really could live without. ( Am I the only one who finds these sorts of games uncomfortably hokey?) After that we worked our way through the catalog with the rep giving lots of background information and demos of many of the body products and passing around the toys. There is no denying that these types of parties make buying sex toys a safer and less seedy experience than going to any sex toy store local to where I live in the deep south!
I ended the night with purchasing my favorite shave cream and a toy I will tell you all about next week but I also left with something else. You see for as much as I think I should like these sorts of events I always leave with a slightly uneasy feeling that has taken me four parties to finally put a finger on. While all of these parties bill themselves as being sex positive they are rarely man/husband/marriage positive. In fact men end up being the butt of multiple jokes and less than flattering comments for the bulk of the evening and this does not settle well with me. Sure there are some guys who could not find a clitoris with a GPS and a flashlight but most of the men and husbands out there are great guys who want to please their wives and there is no help to be gained by making derogatory comments and slights about them while gathered with other women.
This form of female bonding makes me uneasy as someone who celebrates marriage and loves men ( I love women too, just not what I am talking about here!) I know that some find it harmless fun but I suspect that the big and little words that we use daily lead to greater dissatisfaction with our mates and marriages over all. Oddly you would think that this attitude would be the exact opposite of what would happen at these parties but after it being the same at 4 different events I can only conclude that this format generally works well even if I find it off the mark.
I spent the drive home thinking about why this dynamic creeps into something that should be about pleasure and sexual celebration and yet ends up with comments about how to avoid getting his ejaculate on yourself during a hand job and how lube is best used by slipping off into the bathroom and then trying to pass off your new-found moisture as a result of his great ability to get you wet and horny even if you were not at the moment. ~ Please let me be clear I think lube is fantastic stuff and should be used all the time .. but used WITH him, not as some sort of trick or sexual lie ~
It was obvious that the rep actually knew her stuff but I felt that the dumbing down of the general vocabulary was really off-putting. I guess I am the serious type and would have preferred more accurate language used no matter what the party guests favored. Example- the reference to a man’s erect penis as his “stiff thingy” really had me puzzled given that even my children can say penis without blushing.. so it seems pretty safe to say that we should use such accurate words at a sex toy event for the sake of clarity at the very least.
My personal bar is high and I know it. I like in depth subjects, product pros and cons and frank talk as opposed glossing over the fact that women can ejaculate and that oral sex is not just for the “ABC” tour ( anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas!). Throw in some education on safer sex for all those college students and we might be getting somewhere!
In the end ( no pun intended) intimate parties no matter how well run are just a gateway to a deeper understanding of sexuality and I am have to admit I am asking more than what they are intended to give. My wish for more quality conversations and people to have them with as well as less body glitter and pink feathered ticklers is clear I just need to find a way to make it happen, the lack of such things is no fault of the party its self.