There are a lot of ways to kill a marriage, cheating, and cold indifference to name two, but what about blogging? I honestly had not given this third option much thought until attending a blogging conference this past weekend. I will also say that I am struggling in how to talk about this subject without sounding like a condescending bitch.. so forgive me if I verge off in that direction since it is not my intention.
You see it works this way- tell people you have a sex and marriage blog and you are an open invitation to bold and awkward questions, confessions and the occasional tear filled break-down having to do with a marriage on the rocks. It was no different at this conference. The fact is that many are looking for answers and an open place to talk frankly about marriage and sex, so when given a trusted opportunity they jump on it ( pardon the pun!)
I had many chats about sex and marriage with folks sidling up to me with personal introductions followed by inquisitive conversation.
My most interesting conference conversation take-away is this- Blogging is hurting a lot of marriages. In a conference with well less than 100 people over 5 came up to me to talk about how they were not having sex since they were up late blogging and their husbands were getting rather distant.. this is no real surprise.
Here is the deal, if you are up late most nights blogging ( or quilting, scrapbooking or Pinterest-whatever) and not in bed with your spouse you are making a tacit choice of that thing over them. While this is not a problem on occasion to do so most nights as many bloggers do will put a serious strain on your marriage. This is not some cosmic leap of understanding, if you don’t take care of your husband someone else will. ( Yes I said it.. did it make your blood run cold, make you squirm.. or get pissed off in denial.. I say it because it is true)
If you choose to spend the nights tweet-chatting online with others and not ripping up the sheets with the person you love then really what do you expect? There is only so long a man can go without feeling love and affection ( and sex) before the affection shown to him from other sources if going to start looking pretty good.
Women are the vanguard of the blogging revolution and they are also the ones who are fucking over their marriages by shunning the marital bed in favor of their online world of “likes” and “friends” that exists on their desk top. Of course this is not to say that men don’t have their part in this ( fantasy Football anyone?) but right now I am talking to women bloggers.
This weekend was a real wake-up call to me that while blogging has been very empowering for many women there is a serious dark-side lurking there. We need to acknowledge this and deal with it before many marriages go to hell in a handbasket on the crest of this blogging revolution.